Anything?

"(It's a long way) is there anything
(For an answer) worth looking for
(Is there any news) worth loving for
(Is there any word) worth lying for
(Is there trauma) is there anything
(Or a struggle) worth waiting for
(Am I missing) worth living for
(Was the body found) worth dying for"

Dashboard Confessional - I Am Missing

That is the way I feel today. I know that there are things worth living for, dying for, waiting for, worth loving for, worth looking for, but worth lying for I'm not so sure. I have just had a very melancholy past few weeks. I am not too sure as to why, that is just the mood I have been in. I am joyful and happy, I just feel melancholy. I don't know how it is possible to have both of those feelings and emotions at once, but I do.

Now, to try and pinpoint the problem.
- Work has been rather stressful lately. I love my job, working in a bank is awesome, but when you drawer is over or short for three days in a row it really begins to get to you.
- I also thought that I was getting paid yesterday like everyone else, but since I am still a "new employee" they decided to hold my check for another two weeks. I really wish I had kept my fast food job until now so I would still have some cash flow. At this point I have no money at all. No cash, and my bank account is very close to being overdrawn. I don't mind being poor as long as I have money for gas and to eat on. My parents are spotting me some money for the time being but I hate mooching.
- I also wish I had want a few of my friends had. I want that deep emotional relationship with someone they love. I know this probably sounds stupid, but I want to have someone I can love. Not just a relationship that is a fling or only last a few weeks or months tops, I want to find the"one". I know I am still young, I have just experienced serious relationship and see married couple and I want that love so bad. I also know that my heavenly father loves me more than anything I could ever imagine and I love him with all of my heart, I just want some one to share in is infinite love with. I want a Christian girl in which we honor God with our personal lives first, but then also as a couple God is glorified in all we do, whether it is as a young dating couple or whether it is as a married couple. It also doesn't help that my heart is attached somewhere and won't let go. It really bothers me at night. It really stinks because my mind is also where my heart is and I just want to get rid of it. If I could have want Justie and Nathan had I would love it so much, perhaps not as young as them, but just that person to love like they love each other.

Now, as the next step of this process is to identify what is worth ___________ing for.
- looking for -The mysteries and conundrums of God, the love of my life, ways to find my full pleasure and satisfaction in God and on earth as long as the on earth follows the commands of God
- loving for - I am called as a Christian to love the world, by my love someone might come to know Christ, loving the world for me is not a hard one, I get along with most people
- lying for - I like the line in the movie "Kingdom of Heaven", "Speak the truth, even if it leads to your death." Lying is a sin, and as a Christian, I want to uphold my integrity as an honest, trustworthy person.
- waiting for - the resurrection, my wife (in more ways than one), God to work, He is on his own time, not man's.
- living for - God, love, bringing people to Christ.
- dying for - my faith, my friends, anyone in order to show the love of Christ to them.


Well, that feels better. There is worth in life, I am just in a slump. Anyone who would like to, is more than welcome to pray for me, call me if they want to talk, or just hang out.

"Scalpel, sutured, made whole again."

Dashboard Confessional - If You can't Leave It Be